I feel trapped. Trapped by guilt. Trapped by children. Trapped by grown up stuff.
Don’t get me wrong I adore my boys they mean the world to me, I sit here now waiting to hear back from NHS direct for Reuben and he pooping as usual. However I just feel as if I can’t do anything in my life without feeling trapped.
My current served sentence is guilt, I forced my husband into a dispute about 7 months ago now and it seems now I have let something go inside me and starting building those bridges away from haterade island and back to homeland normality. However Chris has now well and truly made camp on that Island and I can’t help but think I gave him all the tools and equipment to start a colony.
I went against every stubborn bone in my body and sent an apology, which made my husband then send a letter to thank this person for all he has done for him in the past 7 years. We then had an email asking for my husband’s mobile number on Wednesday, so since then I have sat on a knife’s edge waiting for the call.
It hasn’t come but then I feel why is it that Chris has to wait for him to call first. Why can’t Chris just pick up the phone and ring, what’s the harm seriously, they have been friends for 20 years I am sure one bust up will be sorted out over a pint. However I sit here and wait, and wait and yes you guessed it wait.
So I sit here filled with guilt and it doesn’t seem to matter what I do to help matters it just gets thrown back in my face.