This will be all about my first-born. Don’t get me wrong I adore my cheeky little baby he is the light in my soul, however the apple of my eye my one and only first-born G!
I feel only a parent can understand this blog. Understand the feeling a first-born brings. I honestly can not put down in words what it is like to hold your first-born for the first time. The rush of love you suddenly get when you realise that this little thing, that most of the time will be screaming their head off and covered in crap, quite literally, is yours. But you don’t care it will be the most beautiful heart-moving thing you will ever see. If you have never seen your other half cry before I am sure the first time he sees his creation he will.
Lets go back to the beginning, to sainsburys toilet in Upton where I had to wait for the longest 60 seconds of my life. 2 pinks lines that’s what was there, and it was there on another 5 sticks, haha!
Then to inform the parents, hmmmm not good when your 17 and 18 and barely know each other as it is. However they are understanding and here’s to the next 9months.
You buy books, watch programmes, countdown to your next appointment. Your life then turns into counting weeks and not eating foods you love or drinking that fine nectar that is alcohol.
The first 20 weeks pregnant were ok, I was a bit ill but nothing too bad cope able you would say. Then your abnormality scan, I sat there excited as any first time mother would be, not quite sure whats going on, with butterflies in my tummy from both nerves and the growing baby inside of you.
I sat there with hubster all excited then walked back out to the waiting room, to very shortly being asked to come to a side room, that’s when the crying started. Our baby,our growing child inside of me as they were telling me had “Edward’s Syndrome”, a chromosomal defect and I would have to have an amino the next day as it is likely that this child inside won’t make the next 20 weeks and will die inside of me. This tiny creature that had just started making some type of impact on me, I could feel it, I knew it. It was mine.
Lying on that bed, having a kebab skewer sized needle penetrating the wall of my womb with the words “We have booked your termination for 5 days time”, going around and around in my head. I don’t think I have ever cried so much in my life, I feel I never will.
Thankfully as he is now 5 all was well not that it didn’t take me just under 4 years to get my head around it and not think that something would always be wrong with my apple!
The next 20 weeks was one of worry, stress, hospital stays etc,etc however the rounder I got the more nervous I was, I didn’t know how this little baby growing inside me was going to appear when it finally arrived.
At 6:13am on 11th November 2004 my waters broke, and then next 14 hours was one of sleep, laughing, more laughing, a little bit of crying and a hell of a lot of pushing, till I saw a willy, yes the first thing I saw was a willy, of which I announced to the whole hospital I think I shouted it so loudly that I had a boy. Then all I can remember was saying “Is he perfect, tell me he’s perfect”, after a cry then passed him to me being told that everything down to his baby toe was perfect I finally had this rush of love, this overwhelming feeling that I had created this living child, my little boy, my solider.
I looked over to my now husband who was crying his eyes out, I think his sense of relief that his child was perfect and also that he had a son. However I could only call him a wimp and to go and phone the family.
Day in day out this little boy grows, turning as each second passes into a man, in front of my very eyes. Making me proud with even the littlest thing he does and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t kiss him in his sleep and watch him, just watch him and thank who ever it is that put us all here for him. My apple, my solider, My little boy.