You see and read a bubbly person. You hear and talk with a confident person. However who you think I am is in fact complete different.
Their’s 2 of me you see, there is the person I actually am introverted, self conscious eager to please, yearning to be loved, desperate for acceptance. However you think I’m happy-go-lucky, beaming with confidence, in control.
I’ll tell you who is in control, the voices inside my head, they tell me everything is wrong and that no-one likes me. They tell me to work faster, try harder, and that good is never good enough. It will never matter what I write, type, speak, do, act, wear. It will never be right or perfect!
I couldn’t tell when it started, all I can tell you is that I can’t ever remember not hearing them!
The real me is under there, somewhere, she ventures out occasional, however people push her back in. It is never their fault, they don’t realise what they say, act, write just fuels that voice.
I will push you away if you get too close, be warned.